All-history thread

[Kinro]

This part of forum was dead for a while, so I thought making a thread for all those historicians who want to share their knowledge with others would be a good idea.
So, in this thread, we post interesting facts about history of our countries (I assume, that anyone who studies, have to learn more about his country than the other)

So, to start that, I've got a bunch of the oldest Polish legends:

- Mieszko I, first Christian ruler of Poland who brought the religion from Czech Kingdom by marriage, was, as chronicles say, blind until his seventh birthday.

- In the legend of Lech, Czech and Rus, Lech wasn't sure where to start building, until he saw a white eagle in his nestle (so they killed him) and built there a grod called Gniezno, from Polish "gniazdo", that means nestle.

- Remember the basilisk from the Stare Master (first season)? He scared people of Krakow, living underground, turning every living thing into stone, until he saw his own stare in the mirror (as my cryptozoology books say, basilisks are born only once per a century in the number of one from the... Ehm... Cock's egg, fertilized by snake.)

I have way more things to share, but I am very curious about your countries' history and legends.

[Keranis]

One interesting thing:

Princess Libussa was allegedly a prophet, and she foresaw "a great city, glory of which will touch the stars". She then instructed her people to find a place where some random man was building his doorstep, and build the city there.
How was it named? Well, "doorstep" is "práh" in Czech, and the city was named after that - "Praha", or "Prague" in English.

[Frolda]

Sorry, some people may be offended. I couldn´t resist

It says - How Poland invaded Tešín. (It was painted on the wall of the Dobrosov Stronghold from the year 1936-1938

Anyway, it´s a good idea.

Now I will post something serious:

The oldest thing writen in czech are two sentences in the founding list of Litoměřice chapter in the 13th century

Pavel dal jest Ploskovicích zem´u

Vlach dal jest Dolás zem´u bogu

i sv´atému Ščepánu se dvěma

dušníkoma, Bogučeja a Sedlatu

[Kinro]

By the way, first elected King of Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, Henri de Valois, after death of his brother, left Polish throne to claim the French one.
Together, he survived one year (5 months after the election he was crowned and ruled for 7 months) in this land.
Henry was known for his transsexual and homosexual tendentions.
In fact, her mother dressed him as a girl in early years and used to throw special "bed hunting" parties (with both men and women as mating... mates...)
Another fact, he brought from Poland two ideas - a fork and a toilet.
At the second one he was stabbed by monk in the stomach. Medics gathered his guts and stiched his wound, then he took sacred bread and wine, which (wine) made his wound bleed more intensive, making him die from losing too much blood.

And, to respond to the oldest written things:
Polish oldest (already found) sentention is:

Day, ut ia pobrusa, a ti poziwiai

That is "gimme, so I will mill, and you observe", said by Bogwał to his wife

[Frolda]

One prince from our Premyslid dynasty, Jaromír, was stabbed to death while sitting on the toilet . (from the bottom)

[Keranis]

Frolda: I honestly can't imagine an assassin falling into the toilet and waiting there with a pike Wasn't Jaromír stabbed from behind, rather than from below?

Also: Goddammit people, this thread is fueled by only three people! Doesn't anyone else have anything interesting to say about our great nation's history?

[Kinro]

Probably not

Quite long time ago, somebody wrote a short parody text and placed it in the newspaper (XIX century Polish humour was... weird)

Original:

WYKŁAD HISTORJI DLA PANIEN
Znów siadam na katedrze -
I w dobranem gronie gości
Opowiadam to, co umiem; 
Dzieje świata i ludzkości,
 

Kiedy Kara Mustafa, wielki mistrz Krzyżaków, szedł z licznemi zastępy przez Alpy na Kraków, do obrony swych posad zawsze będąc skory, pobił go pod Grunwaldem król Stefan Batory. I bitny, nieugięty, twardy jak opoka, zabrawszy z innym łupem chorągiew proroka, gonił przez godzin dziesięć w całym pędzie koni, uciekających wrogów aż do Macedonji.

Tam królowa Pompadur, pani wielkiej cnoty, bawiła go w stolicy przez cztery soboty, a syn jej bohaterski, Aleksander Wielki, darował mu do zbroi dwie złote pętelki. Na północy tymczasem, w jakąś złą godzinę, Marjusz ogniem i mieczem niszczył Kartaginę, potomek zaś jego Tytus, patrząc na to z żalem, od najścia dzikich Franków bronił Jeruzalem.

Wtedy to wśród Sahary, w owym kraju futer, szczepił nową religię sławny Marcin Luter, i pracując gorliwie piórem i wymową, zginął razem z Homerem w noc Bartłomiejową, którą, pragnąc dać uczuć moc swojej tyranji, królowa Marja Stuart wyprawiła w Danji.

August VIII, król saski, wezwał Salomona, sądząc, że z nim niegodną królowę pokona, lecz zdradzony przedwcześnie w złych losów kolei, zaszczycił swą niewolą Przylądek Nadziei. Wenecjanie zaś patrząc nieprzychylnem okiem, zabili go w Meksyku z kapitanem Kokiem.

W tym czasie też Kopernik, wojażer na Wschodzie, robił świetne odkrycia na lądzie i wodzie, objechawszy fraktówką Azję i Afrykę, po tygodniu podróży odkrył Amerykę, a Kolumb z nim zwiedziwszy wszystkie świata końce, orzekł, że koło ziemi obraca się słońce. Kortez, mąż Izabelli, tatarskiej królowej, powstawał na ten wniosek bluźnierczemi słowy, ale że świat przeczył zanadto upornie, pod swoje panowanie podbił Kalifornię, gdzie Palmerdton, sardyńczyk z książęciem de Konde, przeciwko tyranowi obudzili frondę. Richelieu tam będący na silnej pozycji, zginął pod krwawym mieczem świętej inkwizycji. 

Krasicki, ucieszony tą okrutną karą, wynalazł nowe statki poruszane parą, lecz wypędzony z Francji, rodzinnego kraju uczynił z nich użytek na rzece Ałtaju. Herodot, jego przyjaciel, mąż z sercem nie płochem, myślał nad telegrafem, a Bajron nad prochem, i kiedy ich odkrycie było uwieńczone, puścili się nad morzem sukiennym balonem, tam zaskoczeni burzą i straszną zawieją, unieśli się w powietrze żelazną koleją… 

Szekspir, król Persji, rozgniewany o to, z kopalń Bochni wydobył prawie wszystko złoto, za nie uformowawszy trzy pułki ułanów, pobił w trojańskiej wojnie walecznych janczarów.

Mieszkańcy wysp Sandwich, schwytawszy go wreszcie, uwięzili w Pekinie, a zabili w Peszcie. W tem przybył od papieża do Dawida goniec i położył na miesiąc, wszystkim wojnom koniec…

The translation - (I did not find any proffessional translations)

HISTORY FOR LADIES
Again, I sit on a cathedral -
And in finest company
I tell, what I can.
Tales of World and Humanity
 
When Kara Mustafa, Great Master of Teutonic Knights Order, was travelling with his army through Alps to Krakov, of defending his castles always fond, at the Grunwald he was defeated by king Stephen Batory. Frightless, brave, as hard as a rock, he took a prophet's banner as a loot and pursued for ten hours with all his horse's power running foes even to Macedonia.

There, queen Pompadour, lady of great heart, welcomed him and he stayed at the capital for four Saturdays. Her brave son, Alexander the Great, gave him two golden knots to his armor. At the north, at some bad time, Marius was destroying the Carthage with fire and sword. His son, Titus, looking at that with sadness, was defending the Jerusalem from invasion of Franks.

Then, on Sahara, the land of those furs, famous king, Martin Luther, was spreading a new faith and, working hard with quill and diction, died with Homer in Saint Bartholomew's Night, which, to show her tyranny, queen Mary organised in Denmark.

August VIII, king of Saxony, ordered Salomon to come, thinking, that he will beat the evil queen with him, but betrayed too early as a result of wrong things happened in wrong time, he visited as a prisoner Cape of Good Hope.
Venicians, that were keeping an eye on him killed him in Mexico with capt. Cook.

In the same time, Copernicus, voyager at the East, did excellent work with many researches of land and water, sailing around the Asia and Africa, after the week of journey discovered the America, and Columbus, who accompanied him for many months, said, that Sun is rotating around the Earth. Cortes, Tatar queen Isabelle's husband, disagreed, but the world agreed, so he conquered California, where Palmerdton used to rule, Sardinian with prince de Korde, against the tyranny they woke up the fronde. Richelieu, who was a known person there, died from the bloody sword of Inquisition.

Krasicki, entertained from that bloody punishment, invented new ships, powered by steam, but, banished from France, fatherland, made a use from them on the Altai river. Herodot, his friend, brave man, not a coward, thought about telegraph, and Byron about the powder, and when their inventions were done, they flew on a balloon over the sea. There, scared by winds and storms, they got higher with an iron train.

Shakespeare, Persian king, angry about that from the Bochnia he obtained all the gold, making from it three regiments of uhlans, have beaten the brave janissary in the Trojan War.

Sandwichers, who captured his already, locked him in Beijing, and killed him in Pest. Then to the Pope came Dawid's messenger and said, that for the month, it's the end of the wars...

Yup... I do not understand it, too... Polish modern age humour...

[Kinro]

Polish word for "Germany", that is "Niemcy" came from word "Niemi", that means people who are unable to talk.
When Polish first met German, they thought they can't speak, just making random "evrlh" to try to communicate, so they called them Speakless.

[Melgarh]

With the german language words such as KRANKENWAGEN and FERNHSARH or whatever it is spelled, no wonder! We call them Nemci too, although I was not aware that would be based on this.

[Keranis]

That idea actually crossed my mind, but I would never guess that it really was the origin of their name